Much Ado About Reputation / Is it a form of Pride?

My reputation was ruined many years ago, and I did not have sense enough to realize it. I was so naive. My family's name has been ruined by me.  I dared to blow the whistle.  Reputation is important to our family.  Reputation is the reason my mother fought so hard to protect my daddy. Pride can be a destructive thing.  Yet, even worst than pride is the tongue.  My reputation was ruined by lying tongues.  Now I am accussed of having a lying tongue and ruining a Family Reputation.
As a christian I say away with reputations.  After all, its not about us...Its all about him.  If he can use my bad reputation to touch people, and change lives..Surely all of the Glory must go the Jesus...All to Jesus...I surrender.
Reputation is a form of pride.  Pride got Satan kicked out of heaven....combined with the tongue...A mighty duo....

Tormented By Evil

One day King Saul rose up, and for no apparent reason, hurled a Javelin, barely missing  David the Psalmist.  Saul had a troubled mind, jealousy and a knowledge that God was done talking to him, caused rage.  I know exactly how David felt.
My daddy had a habit of walking in from work and going straight to the stove...raise the lid on the pot to see what was for supper.  I was standing in the door way that led to the bedrooms...As he replaced the lid, his eyes met mine.  I always stared him down as if telling him..."You cannot have my will"...He became furious and hurled the cast iron lid like a frisbee.  It caught me right at the left temple.  I was about 13 yers old...I can touch that spot right now over 40 years later, and its still tender in that spot...Guess I really am touched' in the head...lol
Read 1st Samuel Chapter 18:1-2

Excess baggage

Sometimes I feel a victim of Incest committed by her father, should never marry.  The baggage we carry is a very heavy load for a new couple.
Problems with intimacy is an understatement.
My husband and I talked about my issues.  Unfortunately, he had an ungodly  soul tie with my mother.  Sometimes my mother manipulated people to believe her realities.  In her reality I was a liar, drunkard, and trouble maker.  You bet I had a drinking problem.  I did not know how to cope with life.
My husband shared our issues with my mother and of course she told him I was a liar, drunkard and troublemaker.  One day he threw those words into my face.  Our trust was violated and as far as I was concerned, our marriage ended that day.  From then on..we went thru the motions...All the time I was humming Meatloaf's song..."Praying for the end of time...so I can end my time...with you..."

Even God won't take our will

If I could live my life over again I would welcome the opportunity to claim my innocence back.  I wanted to be the one to decide when I lost my virginity.  I wanted to experience the innocence of a child.  I resented being introduced to feelings and emotions I could not handle.
More than anything, I wanted to go to school.  When I was in second grade, I had favor with Mrs. Leonard, and the school secretary M. Cannon.  Those two got together and bought some beautiful chiffon fabric and gave it to my mama to make me a dress for the school musical.  We sang...The Japanese Goodbye, Dream (and it might come true) and Lullaby of Broadway.  One of my fondest middle school memories. All of my teachers told my mother that I was extremely smart if I would only stop talking.  I know now that the constant chatter should have been a sign to Elders, that something was very wrong.
Please educators and authorities, look for signs.  In my case I could not look anyone in the eye.  I used humor to cover my insecurities...so don't be fooled by a smiling face.  Look for precocious behavior.  And follow the trail.  The kid had to learn it somewhere.  Course now days..they can learn if off of a commercial...Poor kids don't stand a chance...

Mommy Dearest (Did You experience this)

Sometimes I feel that God gave women a jealous spirit to help her determine if her husband is unfaithful.  Its something inborn and can not be overwritten.
When I told my mother about my father I was 14 years old.  Her reaction was quick and biting.  "If he did it, you must have wanted it little B......
She did not react as a mother...She reacted as a jealous woman. To this very day I am shocked.
I have thought about my mother many nights.  She is dead now, but I have always had empathy for her.  She was destined to go to business college, but my dad's sister introduced her to my dad while on leave from the army.  They started communicating by mail..and grew close.  Their's were a shotgun wedding.  My grandmother and her sisters had invested their dreams in my mama.  When she got pregnant I imagine they were sorely disappointed.  My mother started having a kid every 2 years, until she had 11.  My sister revealed that mama resented having her dream deferred, and resented 11 children.  My daddy beat her often. Once when she was 6 months pregnant..he pushed her down and she broke her pelvic bone.  On another occasion, he threw a fork and it caught her in the lower lip.  That lip could greet you at the door. There were no Welfare Dept., no Social Programs.  Where could she go with 11 children? When she ran home to her mama...Granny would send us right back ..telling my mama.."You made that bed...Go sleep in it"...so sad...... I use this mistreatment to balance out my feelings toward her.  Maybe she was tired and sacrificed me to keep him off of her.  I believe she was in denial.
How did your mother react?

In The Beginning

My pedophile daddy died today....Pardon me if I am not in the mood to celebrate his life.  He did not leave many memories in the celabratory dept.  He did however, leave scars and trails of broken relationships between everybody from husbands to children.
Fathers be careful how you affirm your daughters...it will last a lifetime and make it nearly impossible for a loving Father God to break thru that stone, called their heart.
He broke through and the first thing he said...was walk in forgiveness...I need you to, or I can't forgive you.  Yep..my least sin...in the eyes of God, was just as bad as my Father's  worse.  Sin is sin...and without the Blood of Jesus to cover sin...The Father God, simply cannot look upon us.

I believe with all of my heart that those 90 years of mercy, and suffering and physical blindness, tubular feeding etc...was just enough time for him to prepare to meet his maker...Confess...and receive the Blood covering of Our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Young people experiencing incest...You are no longer bound by a society who frowned upon whistleblowers.  That was the case in my day....Take one for the team...don't go public...besides, nobody would ever believe you....so what if you are 14....you are obviously fast in da ass..and a troublemaker....worked for me..so much so..that I over time, believed it...I am a fast ass and a troulbe maker.  Sounds familar victims?

Listen..you have many ears who will believe you...Rat them out....Its not worth being a hero...I am 62 and for the first time in my life...I am free...I'd placed myself in a self opposed prison...and when he left...I was free...Don't ask me to explain...I can't...

So why share...I share for the victims..to give them courage...I could not before...Its a sign of courage and strength from the backlash to come..don't bother...I will unfriend you...You never liked me anyway...no skin off my back....

Back to you Daddies....You had better damn well beware of the awesome responsibility you have to make your dd feel special...Your image of them...Is their image of themselves...You will give an account if you are not loving them...and of course your sons...(who are sometimes victims themselves)...They will look for you...whether you are a prince or monster...in the eyes of a man....
Blessings...Pray that my daddy confessed...I so look forward to a second chance...God wipes all slates clean...The God of second...third...etc...chances